


My Will To Exist

by Skullszeyes



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys Kissing, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Desperation, Friendship, Higgs Monaghan Being Higgs Monaghan, Higgs Monaghan Being an Asshole, Intrusive Thoughts, Kissing, M/M, Male Protagonist, Male Slash, Mildly Dubious Consent, Not Beta Read, POV Male Character, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Rough Kissing, Short, Slash, Soft Higgs Monaghan, Swearing, Talking, Threats of Violence, mention of murder, mild jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26101546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullszeyes/pseuds/Skullszeyes
Summary: Higgs expresses his need for Sam to shut up with details of his intrusive thoughts.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Kudos: 37





	My Will To Exist

**Author's Note:**

> This was random, but I wanted to write another Death Stranding Fic. :)
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** No one eats anyone, it's just intrusive thoughts.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Comments and/or Kudo's are appreciated.

Sam talked about things that Higgs hardly cared about.

He said it a few times just to get Sam to shut up, but he would nod, then shut down and Higgs would feel guilty, and later let Sam would go off about whatever the hell he was talking about.

Maybe that was the problem of the way they were. Higgs said something, and either way, one of them was going to be pissed. When Sam talked, they were okay until Higgs was sitting with ill-tempered thoughts.

_Shut the fuck up!_

An ill-tempered thought.

Maybe too intrusive.

No. He knew when things would get too intrusive. It’s when he also imagined grabbing a knife, stabbing Sam in the leg or the hand or maybe the shoulder, and watch Sam’s thoughts become blank with nothing but pain. That was enough then whatever he was talking about.

That was way too much, maybe a little dramatic.

Higgs tried not to think about those thoughts, even when the violence came and fell apart at his fingertips. He even told Sam once he wanted to break his jaw, then tear tooth after tooth after tooth until Sam was a bloody, gummy, mess.

Sam stared at Higgs for a minute too long, then continued with the boring thing he was talking about, like he knew Higgs would do it, like some kind of dare, but then he also knew Higgs wouldn’t do it because Higgs liked hearing Sam’s voice.

_Can I kiss you until you forget what you were talking about?_

He wanted to say it, ask it, feel it, but it never left his mind, so he sat while his leg bounced, and his hand twitched with the need to either grab a knife or a gun, or maybe Sam, and maybe have a little relief.

“You like when I talk,” said Sam after he finished going off about something.

“I don’t,” Higgs chuckled, “I really fucking don’t.”

Sam hummed. “You never leave, you just have this look on your face.”

“I’m thinking of burning your organs after I extract them from your body.”

“What are you going to do with my body?” Sam asked while fixing something to eat in the small kitchen. 

“Bury it or burn it, I don’t know, maybe skin you…” Higgs is laughing again, maybe a little nervous like, or does he sound insane? Either way, it’s both funny and not funny. “I’ll wear your skin.”

“And yet you dislike listening to me?”

“Maybe I’ll blend your eyes and serve it to some of your friends...maybe a dog, I don’t know.” Higgs shrugged, still fidgeting.

Sam turned and leaned against the counter, brow arched. “I think you like hearing me talk.”

“That’s exactly what I like while I think of wearing your skin and eating your organs…” This might be a little strange, but it’s a joke nonetheless.

“You’re going to turn to cannibalism when you kill me?”

“That’s what’s bothering you, and not me wearing your skin?”

Sam sighed. “I don’t think you’re going to wear my skin. Maybe sleep beside my grave for a night or so, then pretend you don’t know me afterwards.”

Higgs shakes his head. “Oh. No. I wouldn’t do that to you. I feel way too much for you to simply sleep beside your grave. Maybe inside your coffin while we stare at the stars together…”

“Besides the negative, what about the positive?”

“I would like to fuck you until you forgot what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Sam laughed, sounds so much better than the random shit he was talking about. What the fuck was he...no, he’d rather not ask, it would be way too much, and he might go through with his murder plans.

“You’d fuck me?”

“We can…” Higgs sighed. “I’m down for anything...but I really don’t care about the deliveries you go on.”

“I know you stalk me.”

“And I don’t like hearing about it a second time when I witness the stupid shit you end up doing.”

“Is it because of the pictures?”

Higgs frowned. “How do you know about those?”

“I’ve been in your...place?”

“Right...I’ll clean that up when I end up going back.” He wasn’t so sure about it, but he’d rather not leave all that stuff there anyways.

“What’s actually bugging you about it, I’m sure there’s much more,” Sam said, raising both brows, then taking a sip of one of his many energy drinks that are sitting on the counter. He enjoys it to the point he takes another sip.

Higgs rises to his feet. “Can you please stop talking about them when I show up.”

“Who?”

“All of them?” he waves his hand as if indicating the entire world. “I fucking hate it! I want you to know, and I thought you did—”

“What are you talking about?”

Higgs growls in the back of his throat before taking quick strides over to Sam, noticing the surprise on his face as he sets the drink down. Higgs grasped Sam’s shoulders, the touch sends jolts through Higgs body, making him crave so much of Sam’s warmth that it pisses him off.

“You’re mine, and you talk about deliveries, and the world, and Amelie, like who the fuck gives a shit about her when you are mine and no one elses!” Higgs grip is tight on Sam, and he almost wants to slam Sam against the wall, as if pain would get this through his head, but he doesn’t, he just holds Sam against the counter, hoping he’d understand.

“Is this why you want to eat my organs...or were you going to burn them?” Sam asked, sounding less thrilled by Higgs’ raised voice.

Higgs rolled his eyes, “I tell you you’re my will to exist, and you say—”

“I know what you said.”

“Then please, for the love of fucking hell, can you shut up!” Higgs grabbed Sam on the side of the head and brought him forcefully against him, their mouths clashing into an intense kiss that had Higgs sighing, every rigid part of his body settled against Sam who was gripping his arms, either to push him away or hold him still.

Higgs pulled back, mouth tingling, heart racing, need wanting so much more while Sam leaned against Higgs, his grip tightened as he pulled Higgs closer.

“So?” Higgs said, letting out a soft chuckle, “can you listen to me for once?”

“All I do is listen to you,” Sam muttered, “and sometimes you don’t shut up when I tell you too.”

“Then we have a solution, don’t we, Sammy,” Higgs said against Sam’s ear and grinned at the visible shiver before he smoothed a hand along Sam’s jaw, careful at the way he handled him once he had brought their mouths together again.

They were better when they were quiet, relatively speaking.


End file.
